Fred and Jacob Save Christmas: Part V

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV

“This isn’t good.” Jacob watched with a mixture of fear and fascination as Godzilla gave Frosty a healthy bitch slap. “They’re going to destroy the entire town!

Fred nodded. “I know, it’s so cool! Popcorn?” Fred offered the bag to Jacob.

“What? No!”

“Okay, jeez! Thought you might be hungry.”

“No! It’s not cool they’re destroying the town!” Jacob spoke more quietly. “I am hungry, though.”

“TOO BAD! I don’t wanna share, now.” Fred ripped the bag out of Jacob’s hands.

Frosty the snow monster reared back one woody arm and swung his clawed hand into the side of Godzilla’s head. Godzilla snarled angrily and breathed fire into Frosty’s face. The snow monster stumbled backwards over a Greyhound bus and fell into an auto parts store.

Jacob pointed. “See? There had to be people in there! This is terrible!”

“I know! Now I have to wait to get the wheel bearing that I needed for my pal’s 1991 Buick Park Avenue.” Fred whispered, “He’s gonna be pissed!

“Those people have to be dead. This is serious, Fred!”

Fred waved a hand. “Oh… They’ll figure it out. Just watch.” Frosty pushed himself up from the ground, crushing a passing car with his hand as he went.

“Okay, there is no way that guy survived that!”

“He could be all right.” Frosty picked up the car as he went and hurled it at Godzilla. The mighty beast smacked it to the ground, crushing it further. “Well, maybe not.”

Godzilla pounded forward and grabbed Frosty’s head in both clawed hands. The snow monster screamed in pain and defiance as the lizard king lifted upwards. The scream cut off suddenly as Godzilla liberated Frosty’s head from the rest of his body.

The mighty green monster lifted the head high, howling in triumph. It unleashed its nuclear fire with unbridled fury. Frosty’s frozen rictus grin melted away, a hole rapidly melting through the snow monster’s head.

The rest of Frosty fell on top of an old orphanage. Gallons of red ichor jetted from where the monster’s head had been only moments before. Dozens of children screamed as they ran out into the street covered in the blood of the fallen.

Godzilla chucked the half-melted head to the ground, where it splatted into a white and red mess. The mighty lizard roared, then turned his sights on the Piggly Wiggly. “It’s all over…” Jacob slowly shook his head.

“Yep. I was gonna get some pork rinds from there.” Fred took off his Santa hat and placed it over his heart. “They had the best pork rinds. So crispy…”

“No, you idiot!” Jacob punched Fred in the arm.

“Ow! Christ, kid! You been shooting up again?”

“Christmas is over!” He lowered his head, tears in his eyes. “First you kill Santa Claus, then Frosty turns into a monster, then Godzilla kills him…”

“And the Piggly Wiggly…”

“I don’t know how even you can fix this mess, Fred.”

Fred rubbed at his chin. “Hmm…” He suddenly snapped his fingers. “What this story needs is a good old-fashioned Christmas miracle!”

“Like what?”

“Like… You’ll find out tomorrow!” Fred winked over Jacob’s shoulder at the reader.

“Wh… Who are you winking at…” Jacob looked over his shoulder.

“Never mind. Just wait and see!”