Fred and Jacob Save Christmas

“Well, shit.” Fred looked down at the lifeless body of Santa Claus.

Jacob ripped at his hair with his hands. “Fred! What in the… I mean, Jesus fu… ARGH!”

Fred gave Jacob a funny look. “People actually say ‘argh’? I thought that was a comic book thing.”

Jacob stared blankly. “…Yes. But, no. I… What the hell are we talking about!” He pointed to the jolly corpse. “You killed Saint Nicholas!”

“Oh! Good. I thought it was Santa Claus.”

“IT IS! You idiot!”

“Hey! He’s the one that tried to break into my house! Landed on my roof, tried to crawl into my damn chimney…”

“He was trying to bring you a gift!

“The gift of THIEVERY! Now Jacob, these are desperate times, but…”

“I’m done. I’m completely done, Fred!” Jacob threw his hands up. “Christmas is ruined. All those poor kids aren’t getting presents. And it’s all your fault!”

“Wait…. That’s Santa Claus?”

“Yes! What is wrong with you!”

Fred shrugged. “The doctors are still looking into it.”

Jacob turned away from Fred and paced towards Santa’s abandoned sleigh. “There’s got to be something we can do. I mean, Tim Allen did alright. He got the suit…”

“There IS something we can do.” Jacob slowly turned around. “WE will be the Claus!”

“Fred, that’s… You look like Deadpool.”

“Well it’s red, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but…”

“Fine.” Fred dramatically sneezed. Shimmering light sparkled down the length of his body, revealing Santa’s outfit as it faded. “Better?”

Jacob stared wide-eyed at Santa Claus’ body, now stripped down to its underwear. “Was that necessary? I mean, you could have just magicked up your own suit.”

“But the magic is in the suit, right? Like that snow monster Frosty’s hat?”

“You mean snowman.”

Fred gave Jacob a serious look. “You’ve never heard the truth, have you?” He shook his head. “Another time, young ward! Let’s go!” He ran off to Santa’s sleigh.

Jacob reluctantly followed. “Here we go again.”