Fred and Jacob Save Christmas: Part IV

Part I | Part II | Part III

“Okay. So this isn’t so bad.” Jacob sat numbly staring at Frosty the snow monster as Fred slowly looped around it in Santa’s sleigh. “Santa’s dead. Frosty is a fifty-foot-tall snow demon destroying the town. It’s all good!”

Fred spared Jacob a look and grimaced. “That is one creepy smile, my friend. You okay?”

“Great! Fine! Couldn’t be better.”

“Okay, young Jacob has popped a nut.” Fred turned back to his foe. “Guess I’ve gotta do this on my own. YAW!” He snapped the reins. The reindeer went to a full gallop.

Flame rolled from Frosty the snow monster’s eyes. Fire and brimstone poured from his mouth as the sleigh flew by. The reindeer screamed in terror, just missing the searing heat.

Fred was… less lucky. He blinked, rubbing the soot out of his eyes. “Right! Intimidation… Not successful. Did the bastard get ya?” He looked over at Jacob.

“It’s warm in here, mommy!”

“Uh… Good! I guess…” Fred steered the sleigh onto the roof of a nearby high-rise. “All right, Fred. Think.” A thin wisp of smoke worked its way out of the old farmhand’s ear. “Think… think…”

Fred’s eyes darted back and forth. “Awful smoky around here.”

“Funny! Old man smoky ears. Ha ha!” Jacob pointed, giggling.

Fred frantically waved at his ears. “Must’ve blown a fuse again.” The giant snow monster gave a thunderous laugh as he passed by. “You know, I just wish I knew someone big enough to kick your ass!”

Jacob suddenly snapped out of his funk. “That’s it! Fred, Santa’s sack is full of things that people asked for, right?”

“Well yeah, sure, mm-hmm.” Fred nodded.

“So what if I wish for something to kick Frosty’s ass?”

Fred raised an eyebrow. “You really are out of it, aren’t you? That sounds like something I would think up.”

“I know! I’m scared, too.”

“All right, well… Let’s make it official.” Fred pulled a pen and paper out of Santa’s coat and handed it to Jacob.

“Are you serious?”

“Only when I have to be.” Frosty roared fire somewhere behind them. Men and women could be heard screaming in the streets. “Might wanna get on that…”

“Fine! Let’s see…” Jacob began to write. “Dear Santa…”

“Frosty just took out the liquor store, Jacob. This is getting serious.”

Jacob rolled his eyes and continued writing. “I wish for… What?”

“Something big! Hurry! He’s headed for the Piggly Wiggly!”

“Okay…” Jacob sighed, finishing off his letter. He folded it and handed it to Fred. “There you go, Santa.”

Fred wrinkled his nose, taking the letter. It glowed softly as he opened it up. He began to chuckle. “Not bad. Not bad at all! Hehe…”

He shooed Jacob out of the sleigh. “You uh… You might wanna back up for this one.” Once Jacob was a safe distance away, Fred reached into Santa’s sack.

His hands came back out holding a small Godzilla toy. Jacob’s jaw dropped. “That’s… That’s it? I didn’t ask for a toy!”

Fred gave Jacob a wink and a thumbs up. “Can’t fit a giant lizard in a little old sack, can you?” He turned back toward Frosty the snow monster and launched the mini-Godzilla into the air.

It stretched and grew as it soared into the night sky. The full-sized Godzilla landed on the street below with an earth-shaking thud. The mega-monster reared its head back and screamed into the night.

Fred slipped on a pair of sunglasses and a smile, then crossed his arms. “Ladies and gentlemen? Shit just got real.”