DEEP THOUGHTS: Just Robot-Vehicle Things

What’s better? Transformers or Go-Bots… Why are you laughing?

Now that I’ve finally finished catching up on posting all the original Interlude stories(The Interludes, available again August 30, BUY IT BUY IT NOW,) I decided to fire up the old Deep Thoughts vehicle again.

You all uh, well you had mixed feelings on that, apparently.

The question this time around was: Transformers or Go-Bots? You answered:

Sooo let’s just unpack this a bit. Clearly five of you are NOT FANS of Deep Thoughts. Clearly that means you aren’t reading this right now either, so EAT A COW CHIP YOU RANDY BASTARDS.

Ahem.

Secondly, you will notice that nobody has any love for Left Shark anymore and you know what? I’m okay with that. Consider it a litmus test for the state of the internet… Okay, I just wanted four options, but it’s still an interesting result.

Left Shark SAD!

The meat of this poll was the robot battle, because DUH. It was never going to be a battle between these two. Transformers won handily. That said, I have a bit of a more nuanced take on it all…

Go-Bots were released by Tonka in 1983, beating Transformers out of the gate by a year. It was not long before Optimus Prime stepped to the group of cyborgs and fucked up their shit. They probably never saw it coming because, you know, some of them didn’t technically have faces.

“I should not be!”

Oh, you noticed that thing about the Go-Bots being cyborgs, huh? Yeah… Apparently they were an alien race looking to extend their lives by putting their brains in giant, transforming robots. Or something. It’s complicated. Anyway…

Transformers proved to be the more popular series. HOWEVER, Go-Bots tended to be the cheaper toy. I, like most children, preferred the Transformers, but I had far more Go-Bots toys. Given the alternative of having zero transforming toy action figures, I’m totally okay with that.

In fact, unlike most, I still have a soft spot for Go-Bots. I have one of those freaky headless “Staks” robots seen above in my mancave(aka “the hole in the wall by the furnace and water heater”.) He stands guard over my exercise bike alongside the mighty Go-Bots transforming water pistol.

“Sup?”

The point is this: The fact that they were more affordable made them more fun! If you blew one up with a firecracker or something like that, your parents were less likely to hate-murder you. They were also more likely to replace them(after they confiscated the firecrackers.) That’s a reality that holds true to this day.

Those two Go-Bots cost me less than $20 with shipping and handling on eBay. A semi-okay Optimus Prime would probably cost me four times that. Maybe Go-Bots aren’t so bad, after all…

IN CONCLUSION: Transformers may have my hand, but Go-Bots will always have my heart.

Interlude: Chasing Shadows

A young adventurer tests his mettle in a castle full of deadly secrets.

Joseph exploded through the heavy oak door. He spun around and made to heave it back shut. The monstrous entity trailing him had other ideas. One of its muscular green arms shot through the gap, a black-clawed hand gripping the edge of the door tightly.

“I don’t… want… to play!” Joseph shoved repeatedly against the door, making little progress. He reached into his brown leather vest and produced a gleaming dagger. He jabbed it into the bulging green hand and twisted the blade back and forth.

The monster on the other side of the door howled in pain and anger. It retracted the hand, nearly taking the dagger with it. Joseph hurled himself against the door once again. It slammed shut with a resounding boom. He smiled, turning the knob below the handle to lock it shut.

He stood back, breathing heavily. He nearly wiped the dagger on his clean white shirt, but caught himself. He opted to clean the black ichor from the blade on his ragged trousers, instead.

Joseph tucked the dagger back into his vest and turned around. This room was filled with rows of shelves covered top to bottom with glass beakers, vials, and bottles holding liquids of every color and description. Unidentifiable animals, freshly vivisected, were stretched across a bloody operating table. Their mutilated bodies occasionally lit in vivid blue by a nearby Jacob’s ladder electrical device.

He walked slowly, cautiously past the shelves and around the operating table. He shuddered as he passed the still-twitching bodies. A bloodied head turned towards the sound of his footsteps, single eye pleading for death. He quickly looked away, swallowing hard.

He suddenly lurched to one side. The glass ball that had caught his eye went shooting past his head. It smashed into a million pieces on the wall behind him. He spun around to see thick smoke rising from the spilled liquid from within. The acid hissed as it ate at the stone floor and wall.

The cackles of an unhinged mind rang out from somewhere beyond the rows of shelves. Joseph reached back into his vest and found the dagger. He looked it over. It suddenly looked very small to him. He held it out before him as he proceeded past the operating table.

He passed into a narrow aisle separating two sets of wooden shelves. The close quarters and limited freedom made him uneasy. So too did the various specimen jars he observed as he crept quietly along. Some of the specimens appeared to be staring back.

Joseph hesitantly stepped out into the open past the end of the wooden shelves. He paused suddenly, his heart skipping a beat. A sound, surely a foot dragging on the dusty stone floor, echoed loudly through the room. He held his breath and listened intently.

First there was a blur, then a great set of powerful hands thrusting into Joseph’s shoulders. The blow forced him backwards into the end of one of the wooden shelves. It shuddered violently. Some of the woeful specimens found their way to the floor, their glass cages shattering. He cried out in pain and surprise.

Joseph lifted his dagger, poised to strike out at his attacker. The other man, a crazy-eyed scientist with white, untamed hair struck the blade from his hand with an arm forged from steel. Joseph cried out and slunk to the side. The mad scientist’s unhinged laughter chased him across the laboratory.

The young adventurer scanned the room for any type of weapon. His hand found a length of steel pipe. He grinned devilishly as he turned it on the mad scientist. He struck out at the man, who easily smacked the pipe away with his steel arm.

The resulting clank rang in Joseph’s ears, the strike sending waves of pain down both arms. The scientist cackled quietly. Joseph swung again, causing the scientist to hop backwards with a small growl. The Jacob’s ladder hummed and crackled somewhere behind him.

A smile slipped across Joseph’s face, a plan blooming in the back of his mind. He swatted at the mad scientist again and again, backing up after each jarring impact. He at last found himself close enough to the Jacob’s ladder to smell the burning ozone lingering in the air.

Joseph brought the pipe crashing down right into the metallic hand of the crazed scientist. The maniacal creature smiled smugly as he ripped the pipe from Joseph’s hands. The man reacted in mock horror, stepping backwards towards the crackling Jacob’s ladder.

The mad scientist’s smile became a grimace as he swung the metal pipe straight at Joseph’s head. The young adventurer deftly ducked. The pipe crashed into the Jacob’s ladder, just as he had hoped it would.

Jagged blue-white arcs of energy surged into the pipe, up the scientist’s arm, and into his chest. The monstrous man jerked violently, smoke curling up around his wild white hair. The Jacob’s ladder gave one final, large jolt before failing completely.

The mad scientist continued to stare at Joseph, his body trembling. The pipe slipped from his grip and fell to the floor, causing an ear-splitting cacophony. The light left the scientists eyes. He collapsed.

Joseph kept his place and watched the body intently for several moments. Steeling himself, he slowly rose to his feet. He crept past the still-smoking scientist. The smell of burnt flesh twisted into the young man’s nostrils and held fast.

His footfalls became quicker, more sure as he strode towards the door. They halted suddenly as he spotted a writing desk. More to the point, he spotted the pair of crossed rapiers hung above the desk.

He stretched to reach the handle of the left one. He smiled as his fingers wrapped around the seasoned leather grip and pulled gently. The sword slid away from its fastening. He was heartened to see that the weapon was not merely ornamental.

He held the rapier to one side and continued through the door on the far side of the room. He climbed the jagged stone stairs with care. He craned his neck as he turned each corner, half-expecting someone — or something — to be waiting for him on the other side.

Joseph soon found himself standing before a large wooden door at the top of the stairwell. He braced himself and kicked the door open. The old hinges cried in protest at the rough treatment. The heavy door slammed into the wall on the other side with a deafening boom.

Then there was silence.

On the other side of the door was an ornate resting room. Multiple couches and chairs were arranged artfully throughout the chamber. Large book shelves lined the far wall. A small sampling of the estate’s manuscripts were placed on various coffee tables and side tables throughout the room.

First appearances would suggest that a book club had just adjourned, but the thick dust on everything attested to a sadder truth. It had been some time since the living had tread the ornate carpet before him. And yet, there was a feeling…

There, on one of the coffee tables. A book moved. He stared at it, unsure of what he saw. He walked towards the table. He stopped as the book in question slowly lifted itself into the air.

Joseph approached it with a sense of awe and deep distrust. He stretched his free hand towards the book. It suddenly dropped back onto the table. He jerked his hand back in surprise.

An eerie, feminine laugh floated to him from nowhere and everywhere. He warily stepped back from the coffee table. He jumped and winced as something bounced painfully off his back. The taunting laugh echoed throughout the room again.

He whirled around to face his attacker. There was none to be found, save for another book resting on the floor at his feet. Vague whispers caressed his ears. He swung back around, eyes darting from spot to spot, seeking out his tormentor.

More laughter greeted him. “Show yourself, foul creature!” The laughing abruptly stopped. Multiple books throughout the room lifted from their resting places. Joseph started inching backwards.

His fears were validated as one book after the other threw itself at him. He dodged some, slashed at others with his scavenged rapier. The laughter returned as he jumped and flailed.

The activity stopped as suddenly as it had started. The sound of a dozen books crashing onto wood and stone filled the air. He winced at the cacophony. Joseph held the rapier before him, prepared for further attack.

The air before him shimmered ever so slightly, like a mirage. He heard a feminine giggle. Something shoved into his chest, forcing him back a couple of steps. There was more laughter.

Joseph slowly turned around. He strained his eyes for any glimpse of his attacker. The air rippled beside him. Something jabbed into his ribs. More giggles. He growled in frustration.

He turned about once again. This time he strained to look out of the corner of his eyes. Back and forth. Left to right. His vigilance was rewarded. The air to his right glimmered.

He snapped his rapier up and jabbed it to the right. The blade found its way into solid flesh. An ear-piercing scream filled his ears. He turned about to find himself facing a ghastly pale young woman.

Her wide, black eyes stared through his soul. Her mouth worked, but produced no words or sound. Her head dipped, her body pulled backwards off of the sword. She disappeared from sight just before hitting the floor.

Joseph stared at the spot where the woman should have lain. His eyes shifted to the rapier. Its blade was clean, save for a barely disturbed layer of dust.

Awe gave way to determination. He strode through the grand door at the far end of the study. He found himself in a large room that gave way to a balcony overlooking the land behind the castle. It was very dark here, save for the occasional flash of purple-tinged lightning in the distance.

A pair of yellow eyes formed in the darkness. The body they were attached to stepped forward out of the shadows. A demonic form eight feet high stood before Joseph. Impossibly large muscles writhed and rippled under grayish white skin. A filthy brown cloth was the only thing that preserved the demon’s modesty, such as it was.

“Daganon, we meet at last.”

The mighty demon’s laughter boomed louder than the thunder that surrounded them. “I have been watching your journey closely, human. I must say, you’ve survived longer than I thought you would.”

“I’ll survive longer than you!” Joseph broke into a run, sword held back and at the ready. Daganon crossed his arms, a sly smile playing out across his lips. Joseph swung the sword with all his might, crying in fury.

The demon disappeared in a flash of yellow light. Joseph threw his weight backwards in a bid to stop his momentum. The balcony outside loomed as he dropped the sword and pinwheeled his arms. He stopped with one foot resting on the shallow balcony.

More booming laughter came from behind him. Joseph reeled around to see Daganon standing with his arms still crossed on the far side of the room. “Are you finished, adventurer?”

“Never.” In one fluid movement, Joseph produced and threw another dagger from his vest. Lightning glinted off the blade as it sailed towards its mark. Daganon never shifted.

Instead he watched, amused as the dagger passed uselessly through his body and stuck in the door behind him. He looked up and grinned at Joseph. “You cannot win.”

Realization washed over the young man. “You’re not even here.”

“You are correct. And I promise you… You will never find me. Give up, fool.”

Joseph gritted his teeth. “I will see you dead.”

“Perhaps… but not tonight.” Thunder crashed. Daganon disappeared in a flash of yellow light, replaced by a small colony of screeching bats. Joseph ducked as the flying rodents rumbled past him into the night.

The demon’s fading laugh rode upon their wings, then scattered into the chilling wind outside. Joseph stood and stared into night. He silently renewed his vow to see the demon destroyed.

Interlude: The Right Path

Revisiting what you loved as a child might prove ill-advised as an adult.

Jenna’s eyes fluttered open. So bright. It felt as if she’d just gone to sleep. How could it be morning already? Her eyes focused on the sky above her. The sky?

She sat up, gasping. Her hands dug into the lush, green grass underneath her. She was on the edge of a forest. Two narrow, roughshod paths started a short distance away from her.

She slowly stood, looking about her as she went. This definitely wasn’t her bedroom, was it? She brushed self-consciously at her backside. She felt denim. So somehow she’d managed to get dressed, too.

Jenna jumped at a sudden flash of something gray moving in the grass before her. The gray lump stopped abruptly and looked upwards. It was a mouse. It grinned at her. “Hello, there! Welcome to our world.”

The young lady first gasped, then grimaced. “Oh, no… Not again!”

“Not again, she says.” The mouse crossed its tiny arms. “So rude!”

“Look, it’s nothing personal. This isn’t the first time I’ve been here, and it’s always a pain in the ass to get home, and…”

“Such language, too!” The mouse harrumphed.

Jenna clucked. “Yeah, well… That’s me.” She brushed an errant lock of hair from her face. She surveyed the two different paths. “Let me guess, one of these will lead me home.”

“Nope!” Jenna frowned. “Both of them will lead you home.” The mouse beamed.

“Of course they will,” she mumbled to herself. She turned back to her new friend. “So which one gets me there quicker? Hmm?”

“Well that would be the left one, but I really don’t think…”

“Thanks!” Jenna strode past the startled mouse and stepped onto the left pathway. She turned, smiling. “See you ar-OOF!” She found herself plastered against a very sudden, very solid brick wall.

The mouse winced. “I told you that wasn’t a very good idea.”

Jenna gasped. “You did not!”

The mouse’s eyes narrowed. “I certainly tried.”

“I suppose you did…” Jenna sighed. She turned back to the wall. “Well, every wall has a corner.” She turned to her left and was greeted by an adjacent wall. She cried out in disgust.

“Well, there’s the corner then, eh?” The mouse chuckled gleefully. Jenna shot him a death glare. He shrunk back. “You could always try the other path, you know.”

Jenna rubbed her temples. She slowly shook her head. “Fine. Sure. Why not? It’ll be fun.”

The mouse beamed. “Of course it will be fun! This is after all the land of…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know! Just… Let’s go.”

“How did you ever manage to get here with such a terrible attitude?”

Jenna rolled her eyes. “Just call me lucky.”

“Maybe one of us,” the mouse mumbled.

“Pardon?”

“Right this way, milady!” The mouse shot forward down the path to the right.

Jenna plodded along behind the mouse, a dour look on her face. It softened as she took in the forest around her. The midday sun was pouring through the treetops, making vibrant, dancing shadows on the forest floor. It certainly was beautiful, here.

“You’re remembering.”

Jenna blinked. “I’m sorry?”

The mouse stopped, turning around. “You’re remembering, from before. Surely your last visit here couldn’t have been so bad?”

She sighed. “Well… Not all of it, no.” Her hand subconsciously moved to the keloid scar on her upper arm. “I never asked to come back, though.”

“Right, well…” The mouse pointed. “Here’s another split for you, then. The left path is shorter again but I’d strongly suggest going to the right.”

“Left it is.” The mouse groaned, holding his shaking head. She peered down that direction. The ground appeared a little dampish, but the way was otherwise clear. “Don’t be silly. It looks fine.”

“As you will.” The mouse turned down the right path and bounded away without another peep.

“That’s more like it.” Jenna smiled, turning down the left path.

The trees surrounding her slowly pulled away from the roughshod path she walked. They were replaced instead with tall, flowing grass. The ground grew increasingly damp to the point where standing water appeared in places. Mosquitoes of alarming size and volume flew lazily about them.

A boggy pond came into view as she rounded a muddy corner. She grimaced, immediately regretting her decision. She turned around to return from the direction she had come, but it was too late.

A mud-covered, eight-foot-tall man stood before her. His sloping brow stuck out farther as he considered her. An ogre. His mouth stretched into a wide, toothy grin. “Well hello there, lovely! Haw haw!”

Jenna smiled hollowly. “An ogre! Okay! How lovely! Yes, well… I’m just wanting to go back the way I came, so if you don’t mind…”

“P’raps I do mind, then!” He crossed his log-like arms.

“If I’m on your property, I apologize. I’m just passing through.”

The ogre shrugged. “I’ll let you pass…” Jenna relaxed slightly. “If you give me what I want. Heh!”

Jenna shot him an incredulous look. “I am not that kind of lady!”

“Hold on to your garters there, miss. If I wanted your flower I’d pluck it, sure as the sun hangs high. I just want a kiss. On my forehead.” The grin returned. “Or is that too charged for you, eh?”

She sighed. “Well… I guess that’s not too terrible.”

“Less terrible than me tossing ya into yonder bog for being a pest, hmm? Haw!”

“Yes…” She stared absently at the path behind the ogre. “Yeah… Alright, I guess. Bend over so I can reach it.

“That’s the spirit!” He did as she asked and looked at her expectantly.

“Oh! No peeking now! That wouldn’t be very proper, you know.”

The ogre snorted. “Oh do pardon me, ma’am!” He closed his eyes and waited.

Jenna quietly tip-toed to one side of the ogre before making a run for it. She dashed past, brushing past him in an attempt to stay out of the boggy earth beside the path. It was a mistake that would cost her.

The ogre roared loud enough to shake the trees. He spun about and charged at her. He caught up with her in two strides and grasped the back of her shirt. She made a choking sound as her momentum pulled the neck of her blouse taut against her throat.

He lifted her clear off the ground by the garment. He held her at arm’s length, a smirk on his face. “We look slow, don’t we? But we ain’t! Haw! Not a bit, love.”

Jenna stared at the giant with wide, pleading eyes. “What… What are you gonna do with me? I’m sorry. I…”

“You’ll be sorry, right. What am I going to do with you?” He flashed a sinister look. “I’m gonna do just what I promised!” He started spinning around as he finished the sentence.

Faster and faster they spun around. Finally, he threw her with all his strength and a mighty roar that sent the birds fleeing from their perches. Jenna soared through the air, mewling and flailing as she went.

She fell back to earth in the center of the bog. She struggled to her feet, soaked in tepid water and rotting vegetation. She let out an exasperated scream.

The ogre boomed laughter. His mighty voice easily reached her ears. “Maybe next time you’ll just take your medicine like a good lass!” He swung one mighty hand in dismissal and pounded back the way he’d come.

Jenna fought back the urge to cry. She started dragging her way through the mud towards the other side of the bog. A familiar gray shape came into view as she neared the edge.

“You!” She flung out a muck-covered hand, extending an accusing finger. Mud flew through the air and landed to one side of the mouse. The poor creature jumped, peeping in surprise. “How!”

The mouse’s eyes narrowed. “How? I took the path I told you to take. Funny how I’m here nice and dry while you’ve been tossed in the wash.”

Jenna growled but said no more. She pulled herself onto the dry path near the mouse with a tired grunt. She sat down, turned back the way she had come from. She looked at her clothes and groaned.

“I tried to tell you to take the other path.”

Jenna sighed. “Yes, you did.” She pushed her way to her feet, absently shaking her arms as she stood.

“Right, well…” The mouse gestured towards the path. “Shall we?”

“Sure. Why not?” The mouse was all too happy to skitter away from the look on the young woman’s face.

A short walk later, and the unlikely duo found themselves standing at another fork in the road. Jenna’s misery deepened. “Great. Another fork.”

“Well it would be odd if it were a spoon, wouldn’t it?” The mouse tittered at its own joke. Jenna did not. The mouse nervously cleared his throat.

“Let me guess. I should take the right path.” The mouse shook his head. “So the left path, then.” The mouse shook his head once more. Jenna frowned. “Well I have to take one path or the other!”

“Yes, you do… Just not at the moment.”

Jenna growled. The mouse took an uneasy step backwards. “Yes at this moment! I want to go home!”

“Well right now you should go up.” The mouse nodded at the tree behind him.

“Up.” The mouse nodded. “You’re insane!” Jenna pounded past the mouse onto the left path. The mouse looked nervously on, then thought better and took his own advice. He watched her progress from a slightly higher vantage point.

Jenna plodded down the path, head hung low. Each heavy step raised dust and dropped mud from her soaked clothing. “Go up… I’ve had enough of this place. I loved this place! Such absurdity…”

She suddenly looked up. “What…” There came a loud rustling from further down the trail. She paused, listening. The sound subsided. “Just the wind.” She huffed and continued walking.

The rustling sound started again. She slowed. The rustling grew louder. “I uh… Maybe I should try the other path.” Jenna turned around and started back the way she had come.

The rustling did not subside. It instead grew louder, more consistent. She walked quicker. Was the ground rumbling? She slowed and ventured a look over her shoulder.

Her mouth formed into an “O” at the sight of the massive dust cloud rising in the distance. The rumbling grew in intensity. “Oh sh…” She turned and ran. “Mister Mouse! Mister Mouse!

A wild group of galloping ostriches clawed and leaped their way through the forest. The mouse’s tree was just ahead! She spared a look behind her and paid dearly for it.

The toe of her shoe caught fast on a root in the ground and sent her stumbling to the ground. She was quick to her feet, but the ostriches were even quicker. Jenna turned to see them bearing down on her.

The ostriches hissed and scratched and kicked as they scrambled around her. Jenna’s screams were quickly lost in the stampede that surrounded her. The crowd finally began to thin out. Jenna, shaking, collapsed against a tree and began to weep.

She stood wearily a short while later. She looked down and fought not to cry again. A quiet rustling came from behind her. She jumped, quietly crying out. It was the mouse.

“Pardon!” He looked at her from head to toe. “Oh… Oh, my. I dare say, you’ve been tarred and feathered, haven’t you?”

Jenna looked down again. The thick, sticky mud had clung to the loose feathers of the ostriches as they streamed by. It was an apt description. She sniffled, nodding slightly. “I just want to go home,” she said in a small voice.

The mouse sighed, nodding. “Best thing for you, perhaps. Maybe you’ll follow my advice now?” Jenna nodded numbly. “Right! This way, then! This path would have taken you straight to the razorhides.” Jenna did not recall the razorhides, but shuddered all the same.

They rounded the tree that the kindly mouse had scrambled up a short while ago and took the path to the right. It slowly arced in a semi-circle back in the direction of the left path. One path eventually crossed over the other via a gracefully arched stone bridge. The mysterious razorhides could be heard howling somewhere in the distance.

They emerged from the forest back into the brilliantly shining sun. The mouse sighed contentedly. Jenna frowned as the mess on her slowly dried in the heat. Tarred and feathered, indeed.

The mouse turned to face Jenna at the end of the path a short time later. “I’ve two things to show you, young lady. First, please follow me.” Jenna did as requested.

They ventured to the left a short distance through the grass. Soon they stood at the edge of a seemingly bottomless pit. The mouse turned to Jenna. “Not one person to fall in there has ever returned.”

Jenna shrugged. “That’s too bad? I won’t jump in there?”

The mouse smiled slyly. “You tried to!” He turned and pointed at a short cliff on the far side of the pit. “Up there… That’s the end of the path you tried to take at the beginning of this little adventure.”

“So that wall wasn’t trying to keep me from going home, it was trying to keep me out of the pit?”

“Looks that way, doesn’t it?” The mouse winked. “This way, please.” He skittered back the way they had come.

A short walk later and they stood before a round pool. Jenna ran a hand along the top of the slate wall that formed its sides and leaned over the edge. Her own gently rippling reflection stared back up at her.

Looking closer she saw something beneath the surface. Buildings and people were vaguely visible. Did she hear the drone of distant traffic? She spun around, smiling. “It’s the way home!”

The mouse jumped out of the way of a flying chunk of feathery mud, frowning. “Yes, I suppose it is, isn’t it? Perhaps you’ll be a bit cleaner on the other side of things…”

“Yes…” She looked down at her ruined clothes. “Still…” She looked back out across the fields before them. Maybe I could stay a while longer? I… Well, I missed being here.”

The mouse raised a furry eyebrow. “Fancy that, with you rushing for the exit so swiftly, hmm?”

It was Jenna’s turn to frown. “Yes, well… I suppose I haven’t been a very nice person…” The mouse nodded enthusiastically. “But perhaps if you gave me another chance…”

“Nope!” The ogre loomed up from around the far side of the pool and pounded towards her.

“What? How? I don’t…” Jenna’s head whipped back and forth between the petite mouse and the mammoth ogre.

“Quite true, you don’t. Haw!” He hoisted her up and dumped her unceremoniously headfirst into the pool. “Heh! The end, eh Mouse?”

The mouse nodded his head. “Quite! What a figure…”

Somewhere on the far side of that pool, in a city far away from the peace and tranquility of the other-world, Jenna rocketed out of a public fountain. The pigeons that had been sitting quietly about it screamed in defiance and fluttered into the air as she splashed back down. Jenna popped back out of the water, gasping. She spit out water, shaking her hands in front of her.

A police officer that had been leaning on the side of his cruiser stood up, eyebrows rising markedly. He shook his head and pushed on the bridge of his mirrored sunglasses. He walked towards her, talking quietly into his radio as he went.

“Hello, officer!” Jenna smiled innocently and waved. A chunk of mud flew through the air, just missing the officer. The man flinched reflexively backwards. “Oh… Sorry!”

The officer smirked. “Ma’am, I’m gonna have to ask you to step out of the fountain, please.”

“Oh, boy…” Jenna did as she was asked.

“So what’s your story? Take a wrong turn, or something?”

Jenna’s cheeks flushed. “Yeah, you could say that.”

Interlude: In Broad Daylight

A man and woman execute a heist in broad daylight with the expected results, but the man claims he knows exactly what he’s doing…

The old man and young lady lazily strolled past the entrance to the International Museum of Life and Nature. The man waved to a guard as they passed by. The guard waved back, a funny little smile on his face.

The young lady brushed a lock of blonde hair out of her eyes. “You’re just loving this, aren’t you?” She gave the old man a derisive look.

“Just trying to be nice. Those young men work hard to protect this place, you know.” He winked, grinning.

The odd couple rounded the corner of the building. They picked up their pace as they headed for the back. “Do we really need to do this now? Why can’t we wait until nightfall?”

“Because nobody will be expecting someone to break in right after closing. Getting cold feet, Alice?”

She punched the old man in the shoulder. “What’s with the real names, William?”

William scoffed. “Nobody calls me William. Well my mom did, but…”

The woman shushed him as she peeked around the back of the museum. “It’s clear, William.”

“I sense animosity.” He tip-toed theatrically to a nondescript gray door at the back of the building.

“If we don’t get caught, it will be a miracle.”

“Then just call me the Miracle Man.” Will smiled as he whipped out a small plastic card. A small black electronic device extended off one end of it.

He slid the card into a slot beside the door. A light on the attached device began to flash red. A click came from the door a moment later. The light turned green.

Will pulled the card back out and pocketed it. He pulled the door open and gestured towards the opening. “Ladies first.”

“How thoughtful of you.” Alice took one last nervous look around before dashing through the doorway.

The old man quietly closed the door behind him. He gave her a wink and pressed his index and middle fingers against the side of his neck. The wrinkles on his face smoothed, the marks of old age fading off his skin. His thinning hair filled back in, turning from gray to a reddish-brown.

Alice copied his actions. The crook in her nose smoothed away. Her eyes turned from blue to brown. Her long blonde hair shrank up into a black bob weave. “There’s the face I’ve come to… tolerate.”

“You love me and you know it.” He turned and walked into the next room over.

Hello, forgetting about security cameras? Motion sensors?”

“Chill out. I got this.” Will reached into the leather satchel on his hip. Out came a small, rounded metal device. A short, slender antenna extended from the top of it.

He placed it on a dull gray metal security box affixed to the wall. A minute light flashed on the end of the antenna. The lights in the museum glowed brightly before suddenly falling dark. Dull yellow emergency lighting flooded the museum in its place.

Will leaned in, inspecting the device. He tapped at it with his finger. “We should have five minutes maybe.”

“Maybe.”

He shrugged. “Maybe… definitely. Probably.” He strode out into the museum.

Alice crept along behind him. “Shouldn’t we be a little more discreet, or something?”

Will snorted. “The security system is off. Nobody knows we’re in here. What’s the big deal?” He turned his head towards the entrance at the sound of someone knocking on the glass. His guard-friend pointed menacingly at him. “Oh.”

“Real smooth.”

“Yeah.” He swiftly walked over to one display case in particular. Under the glass stood a six inch tall, rounded metal case on a black velvet pedestal. A blue light pulsed at the top of the casing.

“You ever wonder why everything has blinking lights on it?” Will asked.

“No. What is that, anyway?”

“A metal case.” Will smirked.

Alice punched him in the shoulder. “Duh! What’s inside it?”

“You’ll see…” The sound of the rear door clicking open floated to them from the back of the building. “Eventually!” He backed away from the case, dragging Alice along with him.

He pulled out a laser gun and fired a shot at the glass. The thin red bullet of light whined through the air and was absorbed into the glass. He shot again. This time the glass shattered.

Will dashed forward and grabbed the metal case and shoved it into his leather satchel. He froze as the alarm system began to blare. “That was about five minutes, wasn’t it? Fivish… Maybe four.”

“Come on, genius!” It was Alice’s turn to grab Will. They raced for the back of the museum. A gaggle of guards were pouring in.

“At least I’m not the one running towards the guys with the guns!” He held out a small device as they veered away from the nearest guard. A red beam fanned first across, then up and down the man.

“They’re armed! Open fire!” Red laser fire erupted all around the two thieves, streaks of light spreading out as they struck the floor and displays around them.

The barrage faded away as the guards lost sight of Will and Alice. The lead guard scanned across the dimly-lit museum. His radio crackled noisily in the quiet.

A pair of guards suddenly ran up to him, pointing in the direction they had come. “That way!” The first one said. “They’re headed for the entrance!”

The lead guard nodded and waved the others towards him. He ran towards the front of the museum. The two other guards looked at each other, smiling. They ran towards the back of the building, instead.

They stood by the rear entrance. “Idiots.” The guard held his fingers to his neck. His body rippled and morphed into that of Will.

“Did you have to make me so fat?” The other guard’s massive gut faded away as Alice made her transition.

“It worked, didn’t it?” He banged the metal door open and ran into the open air. Alice followed close behind him. He smiled, pointing. “Right on time!”

He was pointing to a US Mail levi-carrier. The vehicle’s boosters glowed pale blue, levitating the vehicle a few inches off of the ground. The cockpit door was open.

“Wait. You knew this would be here? How?”

“That’s why I’m in charge, isn’t it?” He winked before sprinting for the levi-carrier.

Alice ran after him. “You can’t be serious!”

Will climbed into the levi-carrier and waved her towards him. “I’m always serious!” He pulled her inside and slammed the door down.

He waved to the yelling mail carrier running towards him and smiled. He flipped a series of switches above and below him and pulled back on the joystick in front of him. The levi-carrier lurched upwards into the air.

A piercing alarm sounded. The levi-carrier halted its ascent and hovered in mid air three stories off the ground. “Well that was unexpected.” He pressed at a number of buttons. All responded with rapid beeping and no moving. “A little help, please?”

Alice sighed. “On it.” She sidled over to a control panel on the passenger side of the vehicle. She pulled a corded plug out of a small box clipped to her belt and jacked it into the panel.

A holographic keyboard and screen phased into existence before her, casting an eerie blue light in the cockpit. She hovered her hands over the keyboard and began pecking away. The alarm cut out a moment later with a series of beeps. “Fly.”

The sound of sirens drifted to them from somewhere in the distance. “Gladly!” Will continued his ascent and nosed the levi-carrier forward.

More beeping. The screen in the middle of the instrument cluster illuminated. “PROXIMITY WARNING” flashed on the screen, followed by a video feed of the rear of the airship. The screen was filled by a police air-pursuit interceptor.

“Hold on tight!” Will braced himself. Alice squeaked as he banked the levi-carrier sharply to the left. The belly of the vehicle shot sparks as it scraped the side of an apartment building.

“You know these things aren’t designed for this kind of flying, right?”

“Sure they are! It’s just not recommended.” Will slammed the vehicle to a stop and ascended rapidly. One of the pursuing police interceptors rocketed by underneath them.

The levi-carrier’s boosters sputtered and cut out. The vehicle began to drop. “There’s a reason it’s not recommended!” Alice screamed and slapped at him.

The vehicle bounced off another police interceptor hovering beneath them. The impact jolted the boosters back to life. Will yanked back on the the joystick, roasting the interceptor in blue fire.

The levi-carrier ascended rapidly as the police interceptor slowly descended, smoking and trembling. Will rocketed the the levi-carrier forward. A third police interceptor rose into sight behind them. “You gotta be kidding me!”

The interceptor matched the mail vehicle turn for turn as Will weaved around a number of skyscrapers. Alice clucked. “We’re never going to out-maneuver him. We’re a mail-van trying to outrace a military-spec pursuit vehicle.”

A grin slid across Will’s face. “You know the Willis building?”

“Yeah. What about it?”

“Are they still remodeling the skyview floors?”

Alice’s brow furrowed. “Yeah, I think, but…” Will’s grin broadened. “What are you thinking, William?”

The Willis building came into view. “This will work.”

Alice’s mouth turned into an “O” as she realized what was going on. “Oh Will no I don’t think that…”

“This will work.

“Oh god Will no it won’t oh my god!” The levi-carrier crashed through the glass facade of the skyview level of the Willis building. The vehicle tore at the ceiling of the level as the computer systems scrambled to compensate for the ground suddenly being inches below the boosters.

The police interceptor didn’t handle the transition as well and nosedived into the floor before bursting into flames. The levi-carrier burst through the windows on the far side of the building a heartbeat later. It dipped dangerously before the boosters corrected, rocketing the vehicle towards freedom.

Will set the battered levi-carrier down in a wooded area a short while later. He shut down the vehicle and sighed in relief. The silence pressed in on his ear drums.

Alice shattered it. “If you ever pull something like that again…”

“Yeah, yeah. You’ll stick with me just like you always have.” Will kicked the cockpit door open. He stumbled out and stretched. He sat down on a tree stump with a satisfied sigh.

Alice climbed out after him. “Alright. No more stalling. What did we risk our lives for?”

“So impatient!” Will pulled the round metal case out of his satchel. He took a small cylindrical tool from his coat pocket and held the tip of it to the case. The case beeped and split down the middle.

Will pulled the two ends apart revealing… a red apple. “Ta-da!”

“An apple? I could’ve died for an apple?

Will shook his head, disappointment on his face. “Tsk-tsk, Alice.” He pulled the fruit out of its containment device. “There’s only a handful of these badboys left in existence.”

He held it up to his face, examining it. “Scientists have had some luck cloning them, but they can never get them to grow for some reason.” He held the apple to his mouth and took a large bite out of it.

Alice gasped. “What are you doing!”

“I was hungry.” He took another bite. He shrugged his shoulders, chewing. “I always wanted to try one. Check it off the list.”

“Yeah… but now it’s kind of worthless?”

Will smiled and winked. “I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to eat the seeds.”

Interlude: Resurrection

Desperation turns to hope inside a long-abandoned warehouse.

There it was. She hadn’t been seeing things, after all. The building jutted from the ground like a rotten tooth as she crested the final dune. The old factory stood in defiance of time and the sands whipping around it.

But what kind of factory was it? That was the million-credit question. Even that took a back seat to the excitement she felt at the chance to get out of the sun for a few hours.

Perhaps it was some optical effect caused by the unrelenting sun, or her tenuous grasp on reality after being under its oppressive thumb for so long, but this was one big factory. She sighed with a sort of ecstasy as the shadow of the building finally fell over her. It felt as if she had just walked into a refrigeration unit.

She stood before the modest double-doors that gave entrance to the building. She looked up and up. It had to be a good three stories tall, at any rate. Old car factory? Tank factory? Had to be something big.

Lock-pick kit powers, activate. It was a simple deadbolt mechanism. She stood up a couple of minutes later, dusting herself off. She pulled on one of the doors. It resisted. She yanked at it until it finally squealed its way open.

The interior of the factory was cavernous. Brown and black shadows undisturbed for decades pulled away from the dusty beams of light set loose through the doorway. They joined the sunlight stabbing through the gloom from windows set high above her. She crept through the entrance, trying to look in every direction at once.

The door mechanism clicked and whirred, pulling the protesting door shut again. The clank and boom thundered through the factory like a thunderclap. The young woman jumped. “Jesus!”

She pulled a light mech off its perch on her arm and nestled it onto her shoulder. She turned it on, shooting a beam of blue-white light across the dimly-lit expanse. She whistled as the beam touched the farthest reaches of the factory.

The brief inspection told her she only had one floor to comb over. All that was left of the upper floors lay in piles of broken concrete and steel. Man’s handiwork was no match for the ravages of time and nature.

Neither, she feared, was anything that may lie beneath the building’s gutted remains. She lowered her head. There was so little left of humanity in this world. There had to be something here. Right?

“Please, God.” She approached the first pile of devastation, fingers working. It looked so insurmountable. A monument to broken dreams, as intangible as the faded memories hidden within it. She began to pry away the years.

She stepped down from the opposite side of the pile an hour later. There were no tears. Not yet. Not that she could spare the moisture… Three energy packs, a half-spent proton core. A sat-nav radio, possibly repairable, though with parts that were painfully scarce.

The clouded beams of sunlight were inching higher on the pitted walls of the factory. She looked about her at the various collections of detritus. She may be spending the night here.

She piled her finds in the middle of the trash-strewn floor and shuffled to the next trash pile. This one sparkled more than the last. Logic boards? Electrical circuits? She fought to keep her spirit as she tore into the past.

She found nothing of use. That was it, she had to stop. There were the tears. They tasted far too salty. She dropped to the floor, sending a cloud of stagnant dust into the air around her.

She slipped off her backpack and tore it open. She fished out a small bottle of faintly glowing yellow liquid. Concentrated hydrating fluid, the label said. It was half-empty. She took a small sip.

It felt as if she had drank the whole thing twice over. She sighed happily and capped the bottle. She surveyed the hilly landscape of trash. Right, where to next?

Her eyes paused and widened as they swept past the largest pile. It was shoved into one corner, mostly in shadow. She turned off her shoulder light and squinted.

She absently slipped the bottle into her backpack and shouldered it. She never took her eyes away from that mountain of waste. She began to smile as she neared it. Could it be?

In the middle of the pile was a small, rectangular object faintly radiating blue light. She scrambled towards it, feet and hands slipping in the dirt and detritus. She wiped her bloodied hand off on her pants and reached towards the object.

It was affixed to a dull metal panel of some sort. She wiped the dust away from the front of the object and squinted her eyes. The blue light shone brightly.

She tried to calm herself. Whatever this was, it was possibly functional, and almost certainly worth a considerable number of credits. But what was it?

There were no markings on the glowing rectangle. She ran her fingers around it, hoping they would tell her something she didn’t know. A smile slipped across her face. She pressed forward on the object.

It slid haltingly across the gritting surface of the panel. The lights clicked off, but something behind the panel clicked as well. She took a wobbling step back as the whole panel suddenly hinged upwards on pneumatic arms.

The glowing blue, red, and yellow lights inside illuminated her wide eyes and spreading smile. Here, friends, was hope. She dropped her backpack off of her shoulder and dove into it for her tools.

She sat back on her legs a short while later with a satisfied look on her face. The red lights had fallen dark, replaced with green. She thoughtlessly piled her tools back into her backpack and shouldered it again.

The panel quietly hissed itself closed. She reached out and pulled the rectangular release back down. It illuminated again, casting a soft blue light across her face and neck.

The sound of machinery whirring to life shattered the silence around her. Chunks of twisted steel and broken concrete shuddered and slid off of the piles of junk around her. She stood shakily, crying out.

She dropped to the floor, quickly walking backwards, her eyes widening as the pile grew. No, it wasn’t growing. Something was moving, shifting beneath the concrete and steel.

A pair of brilliant blue eyes shone out from the shadows.

A robot. Massive, corroded, but intact, slowly stood erect before her. Its head, fully ten feet above her own, turned to look down at her. Its eyes focused on her and turned red.

“No… No! Oh, God…” The young woman turned and began to run. The noise she feared, had expected, the robot’s shifting feet booming on the factory floor followed closely behind her.

“That is not what I expected.” She rounded the first pile of refuse she had combed through and settled in behind it. “ACQUIRING TARGET,” a loud, deep, robotic voice boomed close behind her.

The pile behind her shifted violently. She screamed, falling forward and scrambling forward over the dirt and debris. She turned to see the robot rapidly dismantling the pile.

It picked up a steel beam and cast it to the side. It slammed off the main doors, buckling them and sealing off her only known exit. She shook her head as she made eye contact with the robot.

“TARGET ACQUIRED.” The robot pounded one massive foot down upon the remains of the pile and dug in. The young woman screamed and ran towards the far corner of the factory.

She pressed herself tightly into the corner of the factory and reached for her only weapon, a small plasma pistol. It wasn’t there. She must have lost it when she ran…

The colossal machine filled her vision with darkness mixed with blood-red light. It leaned down, lowering its head. It smelt of motor oil and ancient technology.

She began to cry. Red laser beams scanned over her face and body. The lights disappeared a moment later with a loud buzz, followed by several beeps. “ACQUISITION COMPLETE.”

The robot swiftly stood back up. Its head faced forward, the crimson eyes fading to a more hopeful blue. There came a loud click, followed by staticky feedback from a speaker hidden in the robot’s chest.

“Is it working? Oh!” The sound of a young man clearing his throat came from the robot’s speaker. “If uh, a hem. If you’re hearing this, I am unfortunately no more. And… Okay, this is stupid.”

The young woman’s brow dipped as she cocked her head. The voice continued. “I had a whole speech, um… Look. I’m dead if you’re hearing this. If you reactivated this robot, you obviously know enough to take care of it.

“It’s all yours. Just… Please take care of it?” The man’s voice began to crack. “He’s much more than just a robot. You’ll see… So good luck. Or something.” There was a loud click. The speaker fell silent.

The young woman looked back up at the robot’s face. She jumped as it suddenly twisted to return her gaze. “So… You’re my robot now?”

“THAT IS CORRECT.” She twitched. “ADJUSTING volume. I obey your commands.” The young woman began to smile.

BOOM. The doors to the warehouse buckled outwards. BOOM! The doors exploded out into the desert, frame and all. The young lady walked out of the shadows and stepped to one side of the newly-formed exit.

The massive robot dipped down as it stepped out into the open. It stood, gazing out across the wastes, exposed to the outside world for the first time in decades. It turned to look at the young woman.

She smiled back at the robot before turning and walking back out into the desert. The robot clunked along behind her obediently. She guessed there was something worthwhile in there, after all.